ok这次可以点赞了。呼——,作为一个作者可以被如此用心的斟酌字句翻译真的是非常荣幸的事情。我也学过语言,知道翻译的困难,自问我即使我去翻译自己的文也无法做到如此字斟句酌,谢谢太太,当然还有 @一只MarMar酱 太太,英文版已经翻译到12章,将近2万字的文章了,真的非常不容易,而且每一章后面都有贴心的note,我只能说自己太幸运了,可以遇到这么厉害的太太们读我的文><谢谢。


应擂文太太要求重发^o^, 非常谢谢认真看了全文的大家!这种获得认同的感动简直是无以言表 TAT

拜读 @擂文 大大的《一世真》,读后感大概只能用“惊艳”二字来形容。无论着墨、笔触都让人百感交集,觉得要是不感慨一下,气血就要郁结于胸了2333然而读到诸位太太质量数量皆上佳的读后感,又觉得实在找不到新的切入点,哪敢班门弄斧。幸而看到 @一只MarMar酱 姑娘的英文翻译版,被姑娘过人的魄力和毅力感染(向输出中华文化的译员姑娘致敬!) 决定节选最为喜欢的段落进行翻译,同时根据自己对《一世真》其设定、其人物、其情感的解读,为译文写rationale(翻译阐述)。这应该也算是一篇另辟蹊径的长评吧 ^o^



British National Corpus (英国国家语料库)


Oxford Dictionaries (网页免费版😝)





Watching Prince Qi leaving, Jingyan frowned.


Tingsheng knew what he was concerning. After so many years as father and son, it was their tacit understanding. 


Tingsheng, however, was not worrying about the two Hua women.


Prince Qi might be merciful enough to spare their lives. The princess, on the other hand,would never have them leaving Jinling alive. 




“...yes?”Tingsheng balked at that name—he was not accustomed to it, especially when being called by Jingyan.  


“I heard you start learning reading and writing?”




“Come here" , Jingyan took his hand and unfolded the map of Liang. They sat next to each other. Slowly and patiently, Jingyan taught him to read the map word by word—just like decades ago. The older one explained the natural resources, agriculture,and military strength of each place they saw in great detail. Later, he began talking about folk culture and water conservancy. 


A child of that age would never understand these. Jingyan knew that. 


But what he also knew was they were walking on separate ways. The two of them would probably never have chances of sitting together again, like tonight. Jingyan could not help but trying to tell the boy everything he wanted him to know, in one night. 


In this life, the boy had the love of his parents, born with a silver spoon, and was adored by everyone around him. He should be much happier than before, when he lived with Jingyan. 


Jingyan felt happy for him, truly, genuinely. 


He had so much to say, but in the end, his lips managed only broken sentences: “Uncle will never harm you, ever. Please remember this... …” 


“I know.” 


Tingsheng trusted him, absolutely. 


This was what Xiao Jingyan had done since they first met in the servant prison.


Tingsheng's  innocence was among the things Jingyan has been fighting so hard for. And the boy was aware of that.   


His father had been feeling guilty for letting him suffered in the servant prison for eleven years, being abused physically and mentally at such a young age, being so very cautious and timid. And he could not return to the royal family even after the Chiyan Army gained its justice. 


So this time, Jingyan paid him back everything. 


A young little prince, warm and fed, almost spoiled. 


Tingsheng understood, the least thing Jingyan wanted was him bore his memories of hatred and humiliation. 


His father wanted him never to be frightened or beware of harms, but be comfort and reassured for the love he got. 


He could pretend to be a naïve child—never put himself in danger, never ask about politics, live the life his father wished him to live. If, his baseline was not challenged. 


His baseline was Xiao Jingyan. 


As a child, there was so little he could do for his father. 


Therefore, he forced himself to be patient—waiting for growing up, waiting for the day of reunion. 


This was his plan even when he entered the room with Prince Qi. 


But just then, Jingyan talked to him in the way of saying goodbye. That put Tingsheng in a panic. 


He was panic not only for the content of their conversation—which was obviously too complicated for a child—but also for his father’s tone of indifferent and giving up.


Jingyan talked about various things in details, but none them was on his mind—he accidentally mentioned drought which would happen several years later without realizing it. 


In the end, he talked so numbly. He talked for the sake of talking. 


He was biding his farewell. 


He knew deep in his heart that they would be separated—just like him and Lin Shu. 


That was why he had to teach his child everything, in one night. 


It seemed he was giving up their father-and-son relation, giving up Tingsheng's love for him.


Tingsheng grasped the map with his fingers so tightly that a corner of the map was torn up.


“Fair enough. You're too young. There's no way for you to remember.” Jingyan was distracted by the map and kept quiet for a moment—just like he was awoken from a long dream—and folded the map calmly. “It's late. I’ll find someone to prepare a bedroom for you.” 


As he stood up, yet another idea caught up his mind. He spoke it out without a second thought, “That gold hauberk... ..., wear it during spring and autumn hunt when you grow up. It protects you... ...”


The child made no sound. That was when he reminded himself of the poison. The boy perhaps would never wear it again, if not throwing it away directly. Jingyan smiled a bitter smile, “It doesn't matter anyway.”


But the boy retorted, “It's a gift from Father. I'd rather die than losing it.”


It seemed Jingyan did not understand. He frowned, smiled, and pondered, “what did you just call me?”


Before providing an answer, the boy kneeled down, gave Jingyan a kowtow in the full manner of greeting a parent. Then he raised his head, said clearly, “When addressing Prince Qi, I use the word Father-Lord. In this life or the last, there's one man and one only, to whom I call my Father.” 


Silence. Silence that was so long and enduring that the steaming fragrant tea in their cups became cold. Jingyan approached, asked hesitatingly, in a soft voice:


“.... .... are you... ... Tingsheng?”


“Yes, Father, here I am.” 




1. 三处“迟疑”




a. 庭生 愣了 一下:此处选用动词短语balk at。Balk作动词除了有hesitate的意思外,还兼有be unwilling to accept an idea的含义。结合语境,庭生不习惯被景琰称为“承庭”,似乎可以(过度)解读为他对这个名字的抗拒,故选用balk at。


b. 景琰有些 迟疑 的笑了一下:在此语境下,我的觉得最优选择为ponder。Ponder的释义为:think about sth carefully, esp. before making a decision or reaching a conclusion。景琰在听到庭生叫自己“父亲”后,震惊之余细细思量,才得出庭生拥有前世记忆的结论,彷徨片刻提出问题。故个人认为,ponder是最为贴切的选词。


c. 景琰走近 迟疑 地问:此处的选词是hesitate,没有过多解读,仅仅按字面原意:pause in indecision before saying or doing sth。景琰在此时与庭生相认,要面对“暴露”自己前世记忆的风险(万一这孩子不是庭生咧?),一时拿不定主意、犹豫一下似乎非常合理。



2. 三处增译





然而在汉译英过程中,却往往不得不瞻前顾后,既要注重句式”形合“,又要注重表达原文的多层含义。鉴于我个人英语水平极为有限,有时候,为了句式对仗就不得不牺牲部分表意,做不到”信“和”达“;为了表意,生硬套用英语俗语又显得译文凌乱,放弃了”雅“。无奈只能选择增译,在保全原作思想的前提下尽量用工整的句式把implicit meaning全部点明,似乎又有损意境、显得啰嗦。严复老先生这“信达雅”三字经实在让吾等凡人跪唱征服。




a. “所以他可以忍耐,等到自己再大一些与他相认”,严格来说译文在此处并未增加信息,只是把“长大”和“相认”在句式上变为并列关系,同时把“相认”这个动词转化为名词短语“the day of reunion”。若直译成“waiting forhimself to grow up to reunite with his father”两个不定式叠加会对理解造成障碍,而且不符合英语表达习惯。


b. “像是要了尽这一场父子缘分一样”,在译文中我不仅翻译了景琰放弃了“father-and-sonrelation”,还增加了他放弃了“Tingsheng’s love for him”。中文表达中“缘分”本身就带有“命运”和“情感”的双重含义;而英文表达中的“父子关系”却是冷冰冰的法律含义。但凡父子,便会有双向的亲情之爱。但即使二人分道扬镳,即使庭生憎恨景琰,景琰也一样会默默的爱着自己曾经的养子。因此我的增译特别指出景琰放弃了“庭生对的爱”, 尽管他对庭生的爱不会动摇一丝一毫,虐力瞬间max有木有!【好有成就感!】


c. “那件金丝软甲……你在以后能去春猎秋猎的时候,都要记得穿。”在翻译过程中,我增加了半句:“It (金丝软甲) protects you… …”。这一处增译的主要原因是……原句带有一定的命令色彩。【天地良心,很多父母对子女的叮嘱用的都是祈使句啊!】不过鉴于景琰和庭生目前的关系并不非常亲密,如果直接翻译成祈使句,难免显得唐突。为了平衡情感,我增译了“软甲会保护你……”这个残句,既有理有据的表达了父亲对养子的关爱,又呼应了后文景琰想起透毒事件时的尴尬和自嘲。



3. “broken sentences”


在文中,景琰对庭生的叮嘱“话到嘴边,只剩下一句  ‘七皇叔永远不会伤你……你要记住’。”问题就出在这个“一句”的内容,在翻译成英语的时候不得不被处理成两句23333 但如果直接写成 “he said only two sentences”,又明显破坏了语境——毕竟不管在哪种语言中,也不会说:“他话到嘴边,只剩两句”,书面语瞬间变成了拉家常一样的口语。对于这句话的处理我真是苦思冥想,睡了一觉之后才恍然大悟:broken sentences最合适!“支离破碎的句子”既避开了具体数字,又能体现出“爱在心口难开”的隐忍,更能表现欲说还休的落寞。Perfect!


4. 赤子之心


“赤子之心”比喻人心地纯洁善良。在我翻译的时候共有三个备选词汇:innocence,earnestness,purity。在我看来,这三个词都是可用的,word choice取决于具体的修饰对象。比如用在庭生身上,innocence是最合适的,因为这个词的重点落在“天真无邪、没有过多复杂或不快的经历”,形容一个孩童就比较贴切;在形容林殊和祁王时,似乎就不能说两个二三十岁的大男人“天真无邪”了, 而earnestness表达sincere and intense conviction, 即真诚而坚定的信仰,用来形容这二人心系天下、不向权术党争低头的性格似乎非常合适;至于purity的含义,主要落在道德上,free from immorality, esp.of a sexual nature。似乎可用在女性角色身上?不过我自己作为女权主义者,觉得这样带有性别色彩的词语尽量避免为好。


5. 成语排比


“祁王世子,万千宠爱,众星捧月,锦衣玉食”,看到这句话的瞬间,我的内心是崩溃的。尤其结合前文已经描写过的“母妃的疼爱,高贵的出身,周围人无微不至的照顾”——请让我默默再次感叹汉语的博大精深。这两句话的难点就在于成语的表意高度重合。最后挣扎着处理成:“the boy had the love of his parents, born with a silverspoon, and was adored by everyone around him” 和 “A young little prince, warm and fed, almost spoiled”。把四词排比简化为三个短语,主要因为英文的表达习惯中,“三” 就可以构成排比【同时也减轻了译员的工作量,呵呵哒^o^】



6. 对“今夜”的强调


文中有两处提到景琰要把先告诉庭生的东西“在今夜”或者“趁着今夜”,但作者并未着重强调这个时间概念。在译文中,共有三次在提到“this night”的限定,我都将时间状语后置,置于句尾,为的是:1.押韵,句式工整;2.突出“一夜”这个短暂的时间,侧面反衬景琰对于庭生的珍视和内心的不舍。【虐虐更健康】



7. “忍不住”


   景琰叮嘱庭生穿金丝软甲,是“忍不住”说出来的,而我在译文中选用“He spoke it out without a second thought”, 即想都没想就说出来了。因为在我的理解中,”没忍住“的意思是:”想过了,知道不该说,但没忍住,说了”。只要“想”过,就必然能记起投毒事件。而景琰作为一个思虑周全的帝王之才,自然知道出了投毒的事就不该再提这件软甲。再加上后文提到“见孩子没有回答,他才想到,眼下出了下毒的事”,这意味着景琰说这话之前真的没多想。因此我在译文中就直接处理成了“想都没想就说……”。


8. “父王”


我把“父王”的翻译处理成了"Father-Lord"。在我有限的认知中,王公贵族用英语叫自己的爹妈都是直接叫father & mother的,与平民之间并没有泾渭分明的区别。此处的翻译主要借鉴托尔金文学《精灵宝钻》中的用法。例:一位公主名叫Idril,在她的儿子称呼母亲时,托老给出的用法是“Mother-Idril”。虽然与此处的译文并非完全契合,但我真的已经尽力了【请看我真诚的眼神】


9. 双从句表达“许久”


"过了许久,桌上原本氤氲着茶香的茶冰冷下来的时候“ 我对于”许久“的处理:“SilenceSilence that was so long and enduring that the steaming fragrant tea in their cups became cold.” 首先,两句两个“silence”连用,算是anadiplose, 即顶真修辞。随后,第二句选择了从句套从句的表达方法,也让读者(如果有人读的话)从句型的复杂性上感受到时间的流逝。【读者(如果有):我并没有什么感觉,科科】



10. “是,父亲,我在”




再再再次感叹汉语言文学无可比拟的优越性:“我在”短短两个字,既强调了“我”又强调了“在”——既强调了“It is me, not anyone else”, 又强调了“I am right here, just in front of you”。仅仅两个字,却不偏不漏、简洁有力的传达了如此多的关键信息,回味无穷。【我爱我的祖国,一刻也不能分割!】


我的纠结,最开始,在于“我在”到底翻译成I am here 还是 Here I am。在我看来,结尾处二人的情绪炽烈犹如火山爆发,倒装的Here I am更便于抒发情感。但我不得不考虑的是全文第一章结尾,庭生对将死的景琰那句“我在”必须翻译成I am here——因为景琰对庭生的身份和所处位置没有任何疑问,庭生的性格又较为内敛,他不会也不需要使用倒装句来表达情感或做出强调。第二十一章父子相认的这句“我在”,作者的用意明显是希望跟前文对应,那么此章结尾到底要不要为了照映而选择I am here呢?


我顶着内心的挣扎,去请教了社会语言学教授,这种pragmatic word choice应该是她的专长啊!结果教授说:纳尼?我从来没考虑过这个问题诶!【大写加粗生无可恋】不过她为我指了一条路:英语中有一个“句首强调”的惯例(这是我根据她的解释总结的,不保证正确性),一般情况下,哪个信息放在句首、哪个信息就是重点。所以I am here 强调的是“我”,Here I am强调的是“here”。


我还是不甘心,又去问了阅读教学老师,这位心直口快、在牛津拿博士的爱尔兰大姐姐直截了当地告诉我:“没差别!我们混着用!” 然后很热心的问我上下文是什么。在我言简意赅的概括父子相认梗之后,学神姐姐又说,“你纠结啥,如果老爸问 ’Are you XXX?’,你就该回答 ‘Yeah, Dad!It's me!’” 【万念俱灰不足以形容我当时的心情……整篇文章就这样画风突变成:爸比,是我!求抱抱!“】



所以我不纠结了,如果”我“和”在“二者注定不可得兼,我干脆句首强调选择Here I am啦。至少这个“Here”还能引申出“I am by your side. You walk in the dark, but you are not alone.”的意思来。【Silence. Silence,只剩下一个追求学术而不得的我忧桑望天】



11. 书面化与口语化的表达


书面化与口语化的表达切换是贯穿全文始终的处理。在正常叙述部分,我严格遵守书面语规范,比如不出现缩写、简写、尽量避免阿拉伯数字(十二以下的数字全部使用英文拼写);而在对话部分则根据发音习惯给出缩写和口语化表达方式,例:There’s no way for you to remember; It doesn't matter anyway; 等。


唯一的例外是庭生的 “孩儿叫祁王殿下一直叫的是‘父王’。‘父亲’二字对我而言,无论前世今生,从来就  只有一人。”


译文:“When addressing Prince Qi, I use the word Father-Lord. In this life or the last, there's one man and one only, to whom I call my Father.” 








写着写着就完全停不下来了!字数直逼六千orz 竟然为一千字的译文写了将近五千字的 justification,也真是没sei了,边写边觉得自己真是病得不轻23333想当年本科的时候,有些专业毕业论文的最低要求就是5000词,貌似我给这篇文章加上literature review和references就可以再毕业一次了233333






总之还是非常感谢作者 @擂文 大大和译员 @一只MarMar酱 姑娘,以及所有看到最后的读者(真的有人读吗? 23333😂),谢谢你们帮我把憋了近一年的翻译力全都释放出来。真真感受到了自己对翻译的热爱——即使不做职业、作为兴趣也依然是一种享受。拿得起、放得下,做出选择,就去接受。释怀,也是一种成长。






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